You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
