dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
