I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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