My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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