Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can you repeat that, but with context?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
