There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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