I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
