I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
