You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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