This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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