I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
