im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
