Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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