i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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