she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When did angry sex become our thing?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
