coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
