it wasn't lemon gatorade
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
