Will you blow on my dice?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
