you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
