So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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