You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
