Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
