I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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