I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
