I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
