Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
