Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I checked into jail on foursquare
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
