Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
