My nipple is on Facebook.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
