sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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