accomplished twins. life is a go
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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