You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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