then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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