Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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