you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
