i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
