she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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