Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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