She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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