im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
