dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's blow job season.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
