One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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