pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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