Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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