i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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