Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
