I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
