i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
