Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
