you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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