I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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