Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
