I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
