exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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