the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
