If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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