Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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