Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
last night I used snow as a chaser
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
