A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
