I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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