Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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