I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
