come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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