Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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