Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
