47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
