I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize