You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
