I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
